The Things Thomas Says

One of the greatest sources of amusement and joy in having a confidently verbal pre-schooler is the stuff that they come out with. For a while now I’ve been trying to remember to note down some of the gems that Thomas comes out with. I want to keep them for my own enjoyment, of course, but also as a snapshot of what he is like at this age, and the kinds of things that go through his head. I’m quite shocked at just how long the lost has grown, especially given that I don’t remember to record all the funny things he says. I thought it was about time that I shared some of these little moments of our lives here. Unfortunately some of the funniest ones are too rude, or too personal, to share here. Thomas really wouldn’t thank me for publishing some of his very best statements!


A favourite phrase: “I don’t want to be quiet”

And another, when walking anywhere: “Let’s be a train”
Along with “Open your doors” and “Nooooooo, we need to stop at the station” which are followed by beeping to close your doors, and tooting your whistle before we can go again.
We also get a lot of: “I’ll be the engine, you be the tender Daddy and Mummy is the coach.” or “Let’s be a Pendolino!”

Whilst racing around: “Bendy-bendy. Bendy-bendy”
Me: “What are you saying?”
Thomas “I’m a bendy bus. Do you want to be a bendy bus too?”

Ian was cutting his fingernails and Thomas wandered up to ask what he was doing. When he explained Thomas looked sad for a moment and then said: “Oh. Poor fingernails.”

Whilst walking across the room, clutching his backside “My bottom is walking”.

And on a similar note, when refusing to move from where he was standing on the street “I can’t. My shoes aren’t walking.”

Whilst being tucked in to bed “I’m going to dream about Shreddies”

Thomas: “One and zero is ten. One and two is twelve.”
Me: “What is a one next to another one?”
Thomas: “I don’t know…”
Me: “Is it eleven?”
Thomas: “No silly. It’s two ones.”

We have a policy of mild punishment for deliberate infringements or not following instructions whereby we confiscate one of his treasured wooden trains for a short period. Thomas himself has nicknamed this “the naughty box.” The very mention of it is usually enough to secure Thomas’s co-operation! One night during dinner he piped up with:
“Connor needs to go in the naughty box”
I asked “Why? What have you done?”
He replied “Nothing. But I want to throw my peas around.”

Thomas: “Mummy mummy. Help me”
Me(straight away): “What’s the matter?”
Thomas: “Oh, I don’t know”

“I want you to build the mainline station out of bricks. Oh please.”
(Having built it)
“Well, it’s a bit small actually”

“I don’t want (insert name of film that isn’t part of the Toy Story Trilogy). It’s Booooooooring”
(Fortunately we’ve now moved on somewhat from the obsession with Toy Story, and several new films are now in the rotation too!)

In a public toilet with Ian: “Daddy does that man have a….” I’ll let you fill in the blank. He was quickly shushed and ushered out by Ian!)

Me: “Can I have my good morning kiss?”
Thomas: “Noooo, it’s not a good morning” (with a massive grin on his face!)

On arriving home whilst Ian had been with Thomas I told him “Wow, you’re full of beans”
He looked at me ever so earnestly and said: “I’m not full of beans. I’m full of pasta!”

“Go away. I’m going to be a cross patch”

Thomas: “Are you lettuce?”
Me: “No, I’m Mummy.”
Thomas: “Can you pretend to be lettuce? I’m a snail. I want to eat you all up.”

Whilst I was sitting on the toilet, Thomas wandered up and asked “Are you doing a wee or a poo? You’re a good girl”
He also has a habit of asking everyone what they have been doing in the toilet or, whilst he was potty training, whether they also did their wee-wees in the potty!

I made the mistake of asking Thomas if he wanted to watch a Virgin Pendolino when he asked to watch model trains on You Tube. His response? “What’s a virgin?”
Of course I told him the truth… it’s a train company! I may have giggled a bit as I did so though!

“That’s crying water” pointing to puddle of dripped tears following an epic meltdown.

Whilst sitting in a shopping trolley he wanted to play with Ian’s wedding ring. Ian said no, because its special and when Thomas asked why explained that it showed he was married to me and loved me. After a few moment’s though, Thomas said: “Daddy, can I marry mummy?”

“I put the television on. I had to be a big strong boy to do it.”

To a stranger in the street “This Thomas is tired”

At 4am: “I can’t sleep. I’ve got a problem with my Pendolino”
I think I must have the only child in the world with this particular problem!

Thomas: “My train has derailed and fallen over”
Me “Well you can pick it up”
Thomas: “Noooooo. I can’t. I’m not wearing a claw.”
(A definiteToy Story reference!)

Playing doctors, a very favourite game at the moment, Thomas loves to “write up” what he’s been doing on his chart. It always goes something like this:
“Listed to his heart. Bum-buddy-bum. Checked teeth. Gave men-cin”
Me: “What was wrong with Teddy, Thomas?”
“Bees. Used the bee catcher. There were one…two…three..four…five…six… seven.. eight.. nine…ten bees.!”
(I’m not sure if this is one kind of medical breakthrough, but if he does decided to beceoma doctor or dentist when he grows up, we have video evidence of these games to torture him with!)

Me: ”Look at that dog”
Thomas “That’s not a dog. It’s a bear!”

Listening to weather report “Seventeen deg-wees today!” *pause* “What does that mean?”

“Daddy’s are nice”

Me: “I love you Thomas”
Thomas: “I love you too Thomas”
Well, it’s important to love yourself!

And fortunately, he’s taken to often telling me how much he loves me too. I can’t ask for more than that!



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