Where Did It All Go Wrong?: A Secondary Infertility Diagnosis

Observant readers of this blog may have noticed that I’ve rarely, if ever, used the words “infertile” or “infertility” up to this point. I’ve preferred to refer instead to”difficulty conceiving”. Since we conceived the first one without any difficulty at all, it seemed natural to assume that “difficulty” was all we were having. It seemed unthinkable that things could change that dramatically. However, it appears that not only is it entirely possible to become almost completely infertile in the three years after conceiving one child, but that it has also happened to us.

I don’t particularly want to discuss specifics here, because they relate to us personally and have little relevance to anyone else. Suffice it to say, however, that even my husband, who has no interest in, and little understanding of, medical matters, it’s fairly clear from our results that our chances of conceiving and carrying a baby on our own are extremely tiny.

In a way, this is a massive positive. It seems that IVF does have a reasonably good prognosis and to be honest, I’m happy about the definite-ness of the fact that this is what we need to do. Like, I suppose, many people struggling to conceive, I was dreading getting no answers. Being told just to be more patient and “keep trying”. I was worried that I’d be forced in to making a decision to undertake expensive fertility treatment just to satisfy my own impatience all whilst wondering whether it was truly necessary.

Now, I know exactly what we need to do.

And do it we will. Obviously and rightly we won’t qualify for any treatment on the NHS, so it seems that rainy day that we’ve been saving for has arrived, because I can’t put a price on having another child. Even the unobservant blog readers amongst you have probably picked that one up by now! I feel fortunate that we have the money available to do this and give it our very best shot.

I’m daunted, too. Naturally. I’ve just begun dipping my toe in the waters of infertility forums online and I’m overwhelmed by things I don’t yet understand, and by the many ways this could end up going. Surely no one would choose assisted reproduction if they had a true choice. It isn’t where I want to be, but I know that it is where I have to go.

Something – call it women’s intuition if you want – has been telling me for over six months that something wasn’t right. And so it turns out I was correct to have so many concenrs about our fertility. Even so, I’m still confused about just exactly where it all went so wrong in such a short space of time. But whilst we have answers for why we can’t conceive now, we don’t know exactly how we managed it before. Perhaps we had the same problems back then too. We will probably never know, but I can admit to having hugged my son just a little bit tighter when we arrived home from our appointment.

Never mind IVF, perhaps he, too, is a miracle baby.

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6 Replies to “Where Did It All Go Wrong?: A Secondary Infertility Diagnosis”

  1. Aw Caroline, I really feel for you. It’s so hard isn’t it – but I agree that at least knowing what you need to do removes that annoying uncertainty of ‘just keep trying.’ We’re still at the very early stages, but will likely need ivf too, and I know what you mean about it all being rather daunting! There is way too much on forums, where there are acronyms galore and everyone seems to know it all! I’ve found the nhs website helpful for the basics, and also hfea.gov.uk to read up about specific clinics. x

    1. Thanks Ruth. It is hard, but not as hard as not knowing and living your life in a recurring 2-week pattern. I’ve had a good look at the HFEA website, but forgot to check the NHS one. I’ve found a few books that look prominsing. One is in my local library, so will check that out next week, and I’ve downloaded a sample of the Kindle version of another. Having reached a point of knowing quite a lot about fertility and “natural conception” I suddenly feel like I’ve gone right back to the beginning and knowing almost nothing!

  2. Oh I am sorry to hear this, but as you say, now you have knowledge, and you can do something with knowledge, it’s the not knowing that can really mess with your head. Big hugs and good luck

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