Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

“You’ve got six weeks to go? Really? Gosh, isn’t your bump big? Are you sure its not twins?” Now you come to mention it, I’m actually not sure. You know all those scans and appointments I’ve had and I never thought to check!

“You’re due in six weeks? Really? Ooooh, isn’t your bump tiny?” Coming two  minutes after someone else has made the above comment. Give me a break!

“You definitely look pregnant from behind.” WTF? What is that supposed to mean? I have a huge arse?

“I didn’t realise you were pregnant.” WTF again! Really? Despite having seen me multiple times over the last few months. So you think I’m just an odd shape, or really, really fat?

“Get lots of sleep now, while you can.” Erm… you can’t bank sleep up. I will still be tired when I have a newborn. And sleep is not that easy when you are the size of a house and suffering horrendous heartburn

“You have no idea what is about to hit you.” I’ve dedicated a whole post to this one.

“Labour is the worst pain I’ve ever……” Let me stop you right there. Really, I don’t want to hear about it! It’s not as though I have a choice to avoid it now!

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” Because, obviously, I’m ill. An invalid for being pregnant.

“Make sure you enjoy… x,y,z activity while you can. There will be no more holidays once you’re a parent.” Firstly, life is not completely over once you have a baby. It’s not a requirement to surrender our passport at the door of the delivery suite!  And secondly, contrast to  the above. I can’t both cram in lots of pleasurable activities and rest.

“Was it planned?” I have really been asked this question. And not by a close friend either. What I want to know is in which parallel universe this an appropriate question. But for the record, yes, it was. With military precision.

I know what you are thinking now, reading this. So let me tell you the final thing you should never say to a pregnant woman: “Oooooh…. aren’t you hormonal?”

No, actually. Sometimes I just get fed up of hearing the same silly, conflicting cliches, negative birth stories and nosy questions! Sometimes I get antsy just because.

So there.

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