D-Day Minus One Month

My due date is exactly one month today.

Wow.

In reality, this means that the baby will almost definitely be here in one month. “Here” being “on the outside”, no longer in my belly. We’ve not made an exact plan for induction and delivery, but since it’s looking likely I’ll accept induction, that is likely to be no later than at 39 weeks. So, yeah… pregnancy will almost certainly be done and dusted by one month from now. Onward… to motherhood!

To be honest, I’m not even sure how to feel anymore. I’m a tangle of emotions. So glad and grateful to have got this far without major incident. So excited to meet our child and start our new lives together. But so apprehensive. About the birth process, but more than that about whether my very, very best has been good enough, and everything will turn out to be ok. If I could, I’d probably hold my breath from now to delivery. But I can’t so instead I’m holding on to my blood sugars, doing everything in my power not to let things slip at this late stage in the game. The finish line, the goal, the prize: they’re all in sight.

I don’t feel ready to be a mum yet, though. In so many ways it feels like these last 8 months have gone in a flash. Heck, it feels like the last 8 years have gone in a flash. I’m sure I’m still a child, and I’m afraid that having a child means I need to grow up now. I’m not ready to be a grown up! I don’t suppose anyone ever feels truly “ready” for parenthood, but I do wonder whether the blinkered focus on blood sugars and my health has detracted a little from the emotional preparation for parenthood that we might otherwise have undergone. We’ve got the practical stuff covered. So Flangelina has somewhere to sleep, clothes and blankets to keep them warm and a car seat to get them home from the hospital. We have space in our house for a baby to move in. And I know we also have room in our hearts. It’s the head space that’s a little tough right now and I’m actually a bit concerned that sometimes I see the endpoint of pregnancy as not having to worry quite so much about my blood sugars anymore, instead of as the starting point for parenthood.

I simply have to get my head round it though. It’s not even now or never. It’s now, or in the next four weeks. The only way is forward, and the only way out is through.

One month, and we’ll be parents.

Wow.

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