My Burning Heart

It feels like my heart is on fire.

Literally. The pain is in the middle of my chest, behind my ribs, extending down to the top of my bump where I imagine my belly is squashed. And it’s relentless.

I’m not sure exactly when the heartburn got so bad. I was expecting it to turn up, like an old friend, for much of the beginning of my pregnancy, because I’ve suffered on and off with gastro-oesophageal reflux for a number of years. I remember that I once wrote about how it hadn’t occurred yet. But I also know that I’ve been getting Gaviscon on prescription for weeks. Not that it helps all that much any more.

I don’t think writing it down can really do justice to just how uncomfortable this can be. It’s present in the background for most of the time, but it’s always worse at night, despite sleeping (ha! That would be nice!) propped up on several pillows. Every time I eat, it also gets worse. Some foods will bring a bit a relief in the short term – like milk – but ultimately they will still worsen it.  I’m trying to drink plenty of water to calm things down, but I’m also literally swigging Gaviscon out of the bottle all day and night, and I’m so thankful for the day they started selling it in little sachets that I can carry around wherever I go.

I’m also starting to struggle with eating too much at one time. I quickly feel full and uncomfortable, especially with carb-heavy food such as pasta. My belly can’t possibly balloon out any more after eating, so instead it seems to push up towards my throat. Lying down immediately after a meal is a definite no-no, as is trying to walk too far.

Of course those pesky old wives would tell me that all this heart burn and discomfort is a sign that I’m carrying a hairy baby. I suspect that I probably am, but not down to the heartburn. More down to the fact that both Ian and I had full heads of dark hair when we were born.

So the only positive is that I know I’ll get relief once the baby is born and no longer pressing all my organs upwards. And painful as it is, it seems worth suffering in order to have a baby that is so, so wanted.


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