Cupcake in the Oven

Today was a lovely day. Especially after yesterday.

Or at least, it was a lovely day when I let myself relax. It was probably the tension that caused my blood sugars to run higher than normal this morning. I was rage bolusing in unit after unit and by 11am I had taken well over my pre-pregnancy total daily dose. But needs must, I suppose.

I met a friend for lunch. Also diabetic and also pregnant, due to be induced very shortly. As we met in South West London, I was on the phone to Ian, bemoaning how out of control I felt and “of course the baby is going to be a massive fatty if this is the best I can do”. But then I ended the phone call and we went for lunch at Carluccios, where I decided diabetes be damned for just a short while. A higher than ideal blood sugar at that point was going to do far more harm than my stress level, I reasoned. So I enjoyed my ravioli and bolused accordingly (for which read: LOTS!) It was lovely to swap notes on a diabetic pregnancy, and feel a little bit less alone with all the pressures and hard work of getting through it. It’s nice to chat with other people who just get it. Unspoken, much of it.

We then took the relaxation up a notch and headed to the Cupcake Spa. Cupcake a family centre with two locations comprising activity rooms for parents and children, a cafe and also a spa specialising in maternity treatments. Yay for maternity spas after the disappointing experience of being sent away from a massage appointment at 13 weeks because they weren’t prepared to treat pregnant women.

That incident aside, I’ve had massages before during this pregnancy and they just weren’t… all that. At Cupcake, instead of lying on your side like an ungainly whale, or leaning forwards in a massage chair, you lie on a bed of water pillows. It was soothing in itself with my vast weight evenly distributed (and most importantly off the major vessels which is the usual reason for avoiding lying on your back in late pregnancy) but also allows the therapist to massage the full body by sliding their hands underneath you, between your body and the squashy pads. It was so heavenly that I actually fell asleep on the table. I’m not a fan of waterbeds, but I could do this every night!

I’d removed my two day old infusion set and two week old sensor before going in, partly to avoid questioning, but also so they didn’t get in the way. I felt very liberated to be completely naked with my bump. Quite possibly the first time it has happened during my pregnancy. Despite the pump removal, a combination of the rage bolusing, walking a good distance from Carluccios to Cupcake and the relaxation had the sought after effect on my blood sugars, and saw me shovelling in jelly babies like mad. I was just relieved to be back down to a familiar range, although grateful that I avoided a crashing low whilst actually being massaged.

After today, I feel a little more loving towards myself. And I feel like honoring the little life inside me, instead of surrounding it with feelings of worry and inadequacy. After all, it’s not a bun in my oven; It’s a little cupcake.

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