Stealing My Pregnancy Thunder

This is going to sound bratish to the extreme. And petty. And childish. But I’m just being honest.

I was a bit gutted that a work colleague announced she was nine weeks pregnant when I was six weeks. I felt as though she’d beaten me to it. I suppose I felt like she stole my thunder. After months of good natured ribbing from colleagues who knew that I had a maternal side that was desperate to be unleashed, I was so excited to tell them that yes, I”m going to be a mummy. I suppose it sounds bratish because I make it sound as though wanted to be all “look at me” about being pregnant, but suddenly it felt as though the shine had been taken off it, and I thought that by the time I was ready to disclose my own pregnancy at 12 weeks, no one would be excited for me.

In the end it didn’t work out that way. Everyone was just as excited and full of questions for me as I think they would have been had I been the only one with a baby in my belly. But somehow it still didn’t feel right. It’s a small workplace and I felt squeezed, constantly comparing what was happening and what we were doing. Others couldn’t help comparing us either – especially when my bump began to show a couple of weeks ago, and earlier than hers. I felt as though I was being criticised. A fatty with my belly clearing poking out before it was meant to. In all likelihood no one was really thinking anything of the sort. In all likelihood they just aren’t that interested in our pregnancies, but I still feel uneasy about it.

And I suppose being so close to someone – seeing them everyday – who was pregnant at such a close stage sort of rubs my face in the fact that my pregnancy is not “normal”, “straightforward” or “low risk”. And also made that fact apparent to everyone else. It’s highlighted the differences in our pregnancy experiences.

You can’t resent another person for being pregnant. In all probability they want it as much as you. And you can never know someone else’s true story – how long they’ve been waiting and trying or what obstacles they’ve encountered along the way. It’s not jealously that I feel, just disappointment that it’s changed the pregnancy journey for me from how I imagined it would be.


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