Half Way?

So, I’m at nineteen weeks in to this pregnancy. We’re well in to the second trimester and the baby is turning into a little mover and shaker inside my belly, which is definitely looking much rounder and poking out much more than ever before – certainly beyond squeezing in to my pre-pregnancy jeans!

It’s still all just a little bit unreal though. Despite those fluttering kicks and my changing shape, not to mention my continued paranoid stalking of my blood sugars, I still get a bit of a shock when I remind myself that this is really happening. It’s going so fast, and this nineteen week marker could well be the half-way point for us in our journey – which I’m trying to regard as the warm-up to the big event that is parenthood.

It’s fairly standard protocol for women with diabetes to be induced at 38 weeks gestation. This is due in part to the tendency for babies of diabetic mums to be bigger than average, but more importantly it’s because of the tendency for the placenta to deteriorate more rapidly in women with diabetes than in women without. I’m not totally crazy about the idea of induction, for complicated reasons that deserve a post of their own, but equally I want what’s best for the baby. At the end of the day I’d probably let them hang me upside down by my ankles for a week if I knew it would lead to a safe, healthy and happy baby.

But if I am induced at 38 weeks, then that is as far ahead of me now as the beginning of this pregnancy is behind me. Looking at it that way, it feels like it’s going to be here in no time at all. And I still feel scarily unprepared for the single biggest change that has happened in my life to date. The practicalities I think I can deal with. I may not know how to bath a baby at this point in time, but I know I can figure it out and there will be plenty of people on hand to help with the day to day issues like feeding. It’s the emotional side of things that terrifies me. The fact that life will never, ever be quite the same again and I have no way of knowing what our “new normal” will be. It scares the control freak inside me.

That said, I cannot wait to meet our child. To find out exactly who this person is that we’ve created, and I’ve been doing my best to keep safe. And most of all I can’t wait to know that they are safe. I want to know that I’ve succeeded in providing a good environment for them to grow. Then I can focus on becoming the good mum I so hope that I can be.

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